Elouise (or how the best things in life are unexpected)
by Sadachbia
Summary: Dean POV John comes back from a hunt with a surprise NOTE: I want to thank Writing Fangirl for hire for beta-reading this fic :)
1. Chapter 1

ELOUISE  
1994,  
Winter. Another motel, but this time we are in Michigan. It's cold. I hate the cold, I can feel it in my bones.  
Five day ago was my birthday. Now I'm 15. But seriously who gives a f***. It's not like it's important.  
This room is really cold. The heat don't work. There are only two beds, a tiny dirty bathroom and a table that's seen some better days. No kitchenette, so no home cooked meal; not that I'm complaining.  
I'm doing some sit-ups to keep me warm while Sammy is in his bed doing his math homework.  
He is such a geek. I never do mine. Why worry about them, anyway? In less than a week we will be out of this city. And I know for a fact that when I turn 16 I'm gonna dropout of school. That's what dad wants, for me to become a real hunter. No school, no homework.  
I don't know if that is what I want, but dad needs me on the hunts, so that's what I'm gonna do.  
Speaking of hunting. Dad is still away. It's been almost a week. He calls us regularly, letting us know that he's okay. But I have a weird feeling. The last time he called, he sounded like he was hiding something. Something big. Maybe he had found out something about the thing that killed mum. I don't know. He'll let me know when he wants.  
Sammy agrees with me, he thinks that there'll be changes. I hope not. Changes in our family are always for the worst.  
"Hey Sammy, watcha doing? Aren't you finished yet?"  
"I'm doing homework, Dean. You know the things that you have to do too but you are oh so good avoiding."  
"B***"  
"J***"  
Sammy is such smartass sometimes. He and dad haven't gotten along very well lately. They're always arguing and Sammy seems to disagree to every single word that come out of dad's mouth. They're too stubborn to find a middle way. All is black or white. And do you know who the referee between these two is? Yes, me. Who could it be otherwise? We're all we got. Mom's dead, we have no grandparents, no aunts or uncles, except for Uncle Bobby, he is dad's friend, so we are not related, but he is like a second father to me and Sammy.  
"Hey Sammy what time is it?"  
"It's 9:30, Dean. Why are you asking?"  
"Nothing, I was thinking..."  
"Oh, be careful not to burn your brain cells!"  
"Shut your pie-hole, Sam. But no seriously why dad hasn't call us already? I mean he always call us at 9:00."  
Sammy has on his thinking face. He is biting at his cheeks. He is worried too.  
"Maybe he is coming home earlier...I don't know man."  
"Yeah, maybe... But don't worry Sammy he'll be okay, he's always okay. Do you remember that time in Minnesota, when he was hunting down that black dog and he end up in hospital? We were so damn worried but he got only some stitches and a cast on his arm. So Really no worries. Why don't we watch some TV? Whatcha think? Look! There is The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, better than nothing"  
I smile and I ruffle his hair. He hates it when I do this. In fact, now, he gives me his best b*** face. Sometimes I forget that he is only an 11 year old kid.  
However, I'm worried sick. I really don't know what to think. Is dad alright? Is he hurt? Is he still alive? Maybe Sammy is wrong and he is in some woods lying in a pool of his own blood, waiting for us to find him...  
KNOCK KNOCK  
I jump up from the floor and take the rifle that is on my bed.  
"Son, are you going to open this damn door or should I knock it down?"  
I open the door. Dad was there. He was okay. But what was in his arms? What the...  
"Hi dad, you're okay!" Sam says.  
Sammy is next to me. He seems relieved.  
"Heya Sam, Dean. Yeah I'm okay. Listen boys I have to talk to you about something. It's really important."  
I look at Sam.  
We knew s*** was gonna happen.  
Dad entered and put the thing he was holding on the bed. The thing is moving a little. Weird. Did dad buy us an animal?  
"So kids, you know that I am a man, right?"  
I am really confused.  
"Of course you're a man, dad, it's quite obvious."  
Sammy giggles.  
"So and you know that even though I loved your mother with all my heart, I have some...physical...needs"  
Ok, this is gross and awkward. But mostly gross.  
From his face, Sammy agree with me.  
Despite the embarrassment, we both nod.  
"So, nine months ago, you remember when you were at Bobby's house... yeah I was here, a ghost thing, nothing special, I met this woman, we have...we did...yeah...but I wasn't you know careful...and yeah she got pregnant."  
I'm shocked. Dad, sex, a new brother or sister.  
What.  
The.  
F***.  
I need a drink. Or maybe twenty.  
"She died in childbirth. So now here we are," Dad motions to the thing on the bed.  
Sammy and I are speechless.  
Whoa, like this is a big news. Sammy must be some kind of clairvoyant or something. He knew something was up.  
I look at the bed. The baby is there, lying and probably sleeping. I look at my father again.  
"Boy or Girl?"  
"What?"  
"Is it a Boy or a Girl?"  
"Oh, she's a girl"  
"When she was born?"  
"She was born January 25"  
"Like for real?"  
"Yes, Dean for real"  
"So is she like my birthday present or something?"  
I get up from the chair and walk to the bed. She is so small. I was wrong, she is not sleeping, she is wide awake. I take her in my arms. She's got a lot of brown hair on her head, her cheeks are red, maybe from the cold. She has these brown-black eyes that are so pure. She is so tiny and perfect.  
"Hey Beauty, how's things? Aren't you a strong one?" I speak to her in a baby voice that I only use for making fun of Sam when he's b***. I look at dad, "I like her, dad. I think we can keep her. "  
She just looks at me, and holds my thumb tightly. Sammy is right next to me.  
"Dean, let me hold her. I wonna see her."  
I carefully put her in Sammy's arms.  
"Be careful."  
"Dean, she is so small, and cute. She is beautiful. Does she have a name?"  
We both look at dad.  
"No, not yet...I don't know how to call her... you know it wasn't me who chose your names, so..."  
I take her back. Sammy looks at me expectantly.  
"Dean, do you have any idea?"  
"Mm...I always like Thelma and Louise, maybe we could…"  
"Do you wonna call our sister Thelma or Louise? I don't like them Dean! They're lame."  
"Screw you, Sammy!"  
"DEAN!" Dad scolds.  
"Sorry, sir."  
"Hey Sammy why don't we call her Eloise? But with the U, you know, so it became Elouise?"  
"Yeah I like that, It's weird, when she'll grow up she'll be always like I'm Elouise Winchester, but with the U. It'll be funny!"  
"So we are all okay with this? Dad?"  
Dad is smiling, it looks weird on him.  
"Yeah Dean, we're good"  
I look at the tiny human being in my arms. Now she is peaceful asleep.  
"Welcome to the family Elouise Winchester."  
Best present ever.


	2. Chapter 2

SUMMER 1994,  
Housatonic, Massachusetts. Not a motel.  
Thanks God.  
Dad is gone. Another Hunt, an Angiaks this time.  
Strangely enough, me, Sammy and Elouise aren't on our own. Dad leaves us with this woman, Donna. She works at the Mayflowers, so she bring us the left over from the bar every evening. She is great, really...She has this endless legs, curly blonde hair and a body like a model... I must thank dad when he comes back, seriously.  
Sammy, like the geek he is, gave himself a reading list for the summer. Sometimes he gets me worried. What kind of kid gives himself homework? No really, I need an answer.  
Donna says he's cute but I say he's weird and a little nuts.  
With dad and Sam things are not okay. They argue all the time. Sammy wants a normal life, wants to stay in a place for more than three month. Dad is... being dad. He puts the hunt before everything. This is our life and the sooner Sammy understands that, the better. Fighting like that won't do him no good.  
Now he is playing with Elouise. She's growing up really fast. Now she's 8 month old. It wasn't simple at first. I didn't remember being this hard to take care of a baby. Sammy was simple to take care of. He only needed to me to pick him up and he was good. He didn't move a lot, he liked when I showed him books and things like that, and he was a quiet baby. Elouise is different. She likes to play and she smiles and laughs a lot. She's beginning to crawl, so we must always pay attention because one second she is sitting near the bed and a second later she is under the bed.  
Once, for example, we couldn't find her. We searched for her for like ten minutes. We finally found her inside my bag, sound asleep. She scared the living s*** out of us.  
She's also beginning to speak. She kind of goes on babbling, making noises and high pitched screams every time we sit with her. Oh, and I think she call us with different sound. I am "Deeeehh" (it sound like a cat that is dying), and Sam is "Aaaaaam" or maybe is the way she call the food, since Sammy gives her food every time they play together. I don't know.  
She doesn't call dad in any way.  
"Deeeeeeeeeeeeeh"  
Here we are. Not even in the shower can you have peace.  
"Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh"  
"Dean, I think that Giggles want you!" Sammy announces.  
"Yeah, Sammy I'm coming, give me a minute!" I tell him, he closes the bathroom door.  
Really, when did I become a full- time mom? Last time I checked I still was a 15 years old boy. But whatever.  
I get out from the bath without drying myself off. I take Elouise up and make her spin around like an airplane. She loves it.  
"Hey Pumpkin-pie, are you having fun, now? Of course you are having fun, you're playing with the cool brother now! Let's eat something, watcha say? Me, you, the park and Ba. We can bring Sammy too. Right Sammy?"  
"Yeah Dean it's great, let me take some books and we can go."  
I dress myself, put Elouise in the stroller and prepare the bag with all the baby's s***. Oh let's not forget Ba. Ba is her plush toy, it's a squirrel I bought her when she was like 3 months old. Now she can't live without it. I think that she's gonna marry it when she's old enough.  
"Hey Sammy, you're ready?"  
"Yeah Dean we're good to go!"  
We walk out of the tiny apartment dad pays for. It's hot, are we still in Massachusetts?  
Oh yeah, the park. Let's find a nice tree were we can sit down and try to find some fresh air.  
The walk to the park isn't long, it take us only 10 minutes.  
The park is empty. There is no one. It's kind of creepy. But whatever. Really with the kind of thing we hunt, nothing scares me anymore. And certainly not a creepy, abandoned park in the middle of nowhere. Nope. Not a chance. Anyway, I start to walk faster to find us a place.  
Where did I put my knife, now? The gun is in Elouise's bag, the salt under the stroller. Oh, yes, Sammy has it.  
"Hey Sammy, you got the knife?"  
"In my bag, Dean, with the books. Why? Is Deany scared of the big bad empty park? bhu-uh."  
"First, Sammy, I'm not scared, I'm concerned for the well-being of my little siblings. Second, don't be a smartass. Third, keep the knife at hand."  
"So you ARE scared! Can't wait to tell this to dad and Uncle Bobby. Hahaha!"  
"You, little s***, shut your mouth," I tell him, ruffling his hair playfully, just the way he hates it, "I told you that I'm only concerned."  
"Yeah, yeah. If you believe that..." Sam mutters, smoothing his hair down.  
"Thank you," I say sarcastically, "Look! That's the perfect spot. "  
The perfect spot is a tree in the middle of a field. It is a willow, with lots of fronds. A shady spot, at last. We sit all down under the tree. Elouise is in her stroller, holding Ba tightly.  
She will be a hell of a huntress.  
Like the best. She has me and Sammy as brothers, John Winchester as father and as Uncle, Bobby Singer. It's in her blood. I don't know how to feel about it though. I just hope that she grows up less screwed up than us.  
"Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh"  
Okay. Elouise wants to get off from the stroller. Now she is moving her arms and legs like the most adorable little monkey. She is getting angry.  
"Hey Wiggle-bum, Calm down! I'm coming, I'm coming."  
I pick her up and hold her in my arms. She snuggles against my chest and leans her head on my shoulder, with the thumb in her mouth. We sit down and I start humming "Ramble On". It's her favorite song. When the radio play it she is always happy. It's also her lullaby, so naturally she falls asleep.  
The sun passes through the branches and a slight breeze is blowing from the north. It's really peaceful. I wish every day was like now. Sammy put his head on my legs. He is reading a book about some history events. WWI or something like that.  
"Hey Sammy..."  
"Yes, Dean."  
"I'm happy. I like it here. Wish we could stay here forever."  
"Nah, you only want to have some more time with Donna."  
"Seriously Sam. If you want, we could stay here. We could talk Dad in letting us."  
"What got into you, Dean? Aren't you the one who is always on dad's side?"  
"I don't want Giggles to grow up as us. I want her to be safe and happy."  
"I want that too, Dean. A home, with three rooms: one for you, one for Giggles and one for me. A kitchen, so we don't have to eat always take away or fast food. A bathroom, with a big bath..."  
"Warm water too."  
"Yeah, warm water too. It would be nice."  
"Yeah, it would be," I agree quietly.  
We both look straight ahead. We don't talk. It would be great to live a normal life. But it's a dream. Let's be realistic, we're never going to have that. I look at Elouise. She is happy and loved. I hope that this will be enough.


	3. Chapter 3

JANUARY 1995  
We're at Uncle Bobby's. He wanted us to celebrate Elouise's first birthday in a real home, with a real cake and a real party. Oh and real presents. The party will take place in a few hours.  
Bobby said that it'll be my birthday party too. I said that if that was what he wanted, I was okay with that. Really, I don't care. I haven't had a birthday party since forever. It's not a big deal. But Bobby wants to celebrate, so I'm gonna dress up nice, and play along.  
Elouise and I will be the Queen and the King of this party. I bought us matchin outfits. I'll wear black jeans, a white and red T-shirt, a black over shirt and my leather jacket. Oh, and my boots. I must say that I look good. I'm going to wear these clothes, for real. Maybe when I'll go out with Rose. You know Rose is this chick I met at the store the other day, she is really hot, with those legs and that a**...Okay this is not the time to think about sex.  
She is really hot though.  
So yes, Elouise. She is the cutest baby to ever cute. She looks like Sammy. She has thin soft brownish hair and big brown eyes. Her cheeks are always red and she has a smile on like every seconds of the day. That's the reason we call her Giggles.  
She is starting to walk too. So world get ready!  
In the last months, she started to speak better: now she can pronounce my and Sam's names quite well, she calls dad, "Da" and Uncle Bobby, "LBo". Anyways, I bought her this black velvet dress, with red borders and a white collar. She is beautiful. Together we look amazing!  
Sammy makes fun of me. He says that I'm a mother-hen. But really I'm not. I love Giggles, she is like a cold breeze in a summer day. She remind me of why I do my job. You know, sometimes it gets really bad, I'd like to do the thing that other kids my age do: go to parties, to the sea, to the cinema with friends. Then I remember that what I do is far most important than those little things. I can have fun hunting too. With Sammy and Elouise I have fun, we're always together. They're my family.  
"Deeeeeen"  
I think that Elouise requires my attention.  
"Hey Giggles, are you ready to party hard?"  
She just look at me and smiles. Then she starts making little noises and kind of jumping on the bed. She is ready to party.  
"Okay, Okay don't get all excited! The party is not even started yet!"  
I pick her up and start going down the stairs. Sammy locked us up in our room. He wanted the party to be a surprise, so Elouise and I spent the afternoon playing with Ba and reading the Grimm's Fairytales.  
I don't know if she understands the stories, but she loves the pictures, especially the animals one.  
"Hey, hey, hey...where do you think you are going?" Sammy b***. "I'm not finished yet! Go back in the room! NOW, Dean! It's a surprise!"  
"Calm down Sammy. Take a breath, and slow it down. We're going to sit here and wait for you to finish. Me and Elouise have to read "The Donkey" fairytale. So we're good for like another 20 minutes. Keep calm and do what you have to do."  
Sammy seems to calm down. He nods at me and goes back to his business.  
I take the fairytales book and start reading.  
"ONCE UPON a time there lived a King and a Queen, who were rich, and had everything they wanted except one thing: they had no children. The Queen lamented over this day and night, and said, "I am like a field on which nothing grows." At last God gave her her wish, but when the child came into the world, it did not look like a human child, but was a little donkey..."  
Elouise really enjoy when we read to her. Our voices soothe her.  
"Deeen ...Doo doo...Deen"  
She is pointing the donkey drawn on the page.  
"Yes, Giggles. This is a donkey. What does the donkey says? Hee Haw- Hee Haw"  
She laugh.  
"Eee-ooo-Eee-ooo...hihihi ...Eee-ooo-eee-ooo"  
Oh God, what did I do? Now she'll continue with this sound for an eternity. Sammy is gonna skin me alive. The last time she continued to meow for hours. It was three days ago.  
"Deen"  
She put her head on my shoulder and starts sucking on my shirt. She is hungry.  
"Hey Sammy, Uncle Bobby are you done? I think that Elouise is going to eat me if we don't give her some foods in the near future"  
"Yes, Dean. You two can come in, Sam is done preparing the best party ever".  
We walk into the room. On the bookshelf there is this festoon that says: "HAPPY BIRTHDAY", then at the window there are other festoons and the floor is covered with balloons. But the most beautiful thing was the pie that was on the table. It was a homemade one-you can tell from the color of the crust and the smell in the air- with on top two birthday candles, one blue and the other pink.  
Sammy is behind the table smiling. Near him there is Bobby. Dad's sitting on the couch. They're smiling. Elouise is making the sweetest little squeaky noises. She is happy. I think I'm shocked. I'm kind of stuck there. I can feel tears in my eyes. Sammy outdid himself.  
"Hey Dean, whatcha say?"  
"Sammy it's perfect. Yeah" I cough and clear my voice, "...it's perfect."  
I feel a little awkward. I don't like being at the center of the attention, despite what everyone thinks.  
"Hey why are y'all staring at me? Did I by chance grow b***? Isn't this a party? So let's party!"  
I put Elouise on the chair in front of the table, I stand near her.  
"Hey can we blow out the candles, so we can all eat this exquisite pie? Hey Sammy what flavor is it?"  
"Apple, Dean... Isn't that your favorite?"  
"F*** YESS!"  
"DEAN, don't you swear in front of your sister!"  
"Sorry, Sir. Won't happen again...Right, Sweetheart? Your big bro is never going to swear again when your little ears are near. We don't want you to grow up with the vocabulary of a longshoreman. Do we? No, we don't"  
Elouise took my head in her chubby little hands and give me a slobbery kiss on the nose.  
"Deen! hihih"  
"Okay, Giggles. We are going to blow the candles. Look at me. "  
I blow on the candle. She look at me and try do the same. She fails. She try again. She fails again.  
"Deeeeen"  
She starts whining.  
"Ok Giggles. Sammy and I are going to help you out. Sammy come here and blow with me. At the count of three, okay? One...Two. Three.*Blow* HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIGGLES!"  
"Yeah HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIGGLES! AND DEAN TOO!"  
"Happy Birthday kids!"  
Dad stands up and comes near us.  
"Happy birthday, Son."  
He pats me on the back and then he takes Giggles in his arms.  
"Happy birthday, Elouise."  
And he kiss her head. She laughs.  
"Ok guys...Now is pie time."  
We cut the pie and start eating. Me and Sammy are sitting on the floor. Bobby is on the chair behind the table. Dad and Elouise are on the sofa. She is eating little pieces of apple from Dad's pie. Then suddenly she get off dad's lap and land on the floor. She stand up, using the couch as support, and turns towards us. This isn't unusual. In fact she can stand by herself for a few weeks, now.  
"Deen! Ammy!"  
She stretches her arms toward us.  
"Deen! Ammy!"  
She start moving her right foot. Is she...  
She takes a step, then another, and another one. She is walking. SHE IS WALKING.  
"Come on Giggles. Another step. You can make it. Come on! YASSS"  
I take her and make her spin.  
"You did it! Have you seen her, Sammy?"  
Sammy is making faces at her.  
"Yes! She walked!" He take Giggles from me." Who is the best walker on the planet? Who's the girl who didn't need no help? Yeah It's , GIGGLES, GO!"  
"Sammy are you singing Johnny be good, to Elouise?"  
"No, Dean. Your mind is playing tricks on you."  
We sit down again. Now Elouise is sitting in my lap, eating all the apples from my pie. Seriously, if it would have been anybody else I would have cut his\her hands off. But Giggles is the exception. She can have whatever she wants from me. And from Sammy too. She will be a spoiled little girl. But who gives a f***? Not me, nor Sammy or Bobby or Dad.

Speaking of dad...He seems sad. Why is he sad? I mean we're at this fantastic party. No one is hurt or is dying or is dead. We're all good. The pie is fan-f***-tastic - I have to ask Sam the recipe- and Giggles started to walk.  
Oh...Now I get it. None of his sons take the first step towards him. Yeah, it sucks. But hey life is a b***, and why is he sad? Giggles walking means that we can defend her better, and if we are in trouble, she can run too now. Maybe not right now. But if we give her a year or two... And her walking means she her health is good. So suck it up like a real man and be happy, for a f*** moment.  
Anyway, now is present time. We start open the boxes. The first one is from Bobby and Sammy. The first is a new Zippo Lighter. It's simple, but it's cool. The second are sunglasses. They're f*** cool. They're like the one in Top Gun. Elouise gets a new beanie and a pair of sunglasses.  
"Thanks Guys, we really appreciate it"  
Now it is Dad turn. He give us his gifts, then go back on the couch. Elouise is having fun with the wrapping paper. I think she doesn't understand the gift mechanism yet. I open my present. It's dad's jacket. The leather one. Wow. Like...wow. I've been bugging him for ages for this jacket. I'm speechless.  
"Thank you Sir. I really like it."  
I smile at him.  
"You're welcome"  
Elouise is now opening her. It's a leather jacket. It's like mine but smaller.  
"By chance, did you make an agreement? Like 'let's see who wear it better'?"  
They're all laughing their a** off.  
"We're up to your challenge. Aren't we Giggles?"  
We put on our new jackets and sunglasses. Then I strike a pose, while holding Elouise. She doesn't seem to enjoy her new sunglasses.  
"Who wears it better? We're waiting."  
I strike a new pose.  
"This is the 'on the beach with a martini, while a sexy chick is passing in front of me' pose."  
CLICK.  
Sammy, like the little s*** he is, took a photo of us. I'm gonna kill him.  
"Sammy, now you are going to destroy that camera, or I won't be considered responsible for my action"  
"Dean, another one for the fans!"  
The little brat is running and taking photos at the same time. Elouise is laughing and clapping her hands. Dad and Bobby are shaking their heads.  
Half an hour later, we're all sitting at the kitchen table. The party is over. This was my best birthday, since mom's death. Elouise is now asleep in my arms. Sammy is smiling while eating soup. Dad and Bobby are arguing over a beer. It's all so quiet and peaceful.  
It's in times like this that I start to think. It's so simple to be normal and happy, why can't we have this all the time?


	4. Chapter 4

1996, JULY 4  
Dad would never let us doing what we're about to do. It's the fourth of July. What are three, real American kids gonna do on this day? We're gonna set the world on fire. Okay, not exactly fire. Fireworks.  
Sammy and I have been working on this for weeks. Do you have any idea how hard it is to steal fireworks?  
Anyway, Sammy and I have accumulated a lot of fireworks. Elouise is with us, we don't want her to miss this. We want to have the best day of our life.  
So the plan was simple: get dad drunk, let him fall asleep then fly away as fast as we can. The first and the second steps were really simple. Dad was always drunk, and he always falls asleep after he drinks. It was difficult, on the other hand, to escape without him hearing us. Even drunk, dad remains always a marine and a hunter. So we had to be really, really, really careful and quiet. Not the easier thing to do with a two year old. Anyway we made it. We took the Impala, but we didn't turn her on right away. We pushed her until we were leaving the motel parking lot. Then we run as fast as we could.  
So here we are. Now. Three kids. Waiting to rock this night. From the Impala is coming the sound of the radio, Led Zeppelin are blasting from it. Sam is near me holding a crate of fireworks, while I hold Elouise's hand.  
"Come on, let's go!"  
He is so excited, I haven't see him like this in ages. Sam walks off and places the fireworks on the ground and pulls out a couple.  
"Got your lighter?"  
I check my pockets and pull out the lighter Sammy got me for my 16th birthday. Then I look at him. He has on his brightest smile. Elouise is excited too, we told her what is about to happen, and she is asking about the "fire in the sky" since we told her, three days ago.  
"What are you waiting for, Dean?! Fire 'em up!"  
Giggles is jumping and screaming. She know we're about to light the night with the magic fire.  
"FIRE DEAN! FIRE DEAN! FIRE DEAN! FIRE DEAN!"  
She is jumping and spinning around. Sammy holds her hand and the two of them begin to twirl. They're happy. Let's make them happier. Happiness is never too much for my little kids. I stop them, pick Elouise up and give Sammy a firework.  
"Now, Giggles, pay attention. We are going to make some magic. Ready?!"  
"Yay!"  
I light Sam's firework then my own. They go off, shooting red sparks into the sky.  
"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Dean, Dean Look! Sammy Look!OHHHHHHHHH! YHAY"  
Elouise is totally enraptured by the spectacle. Her eyes are shining and she has on her biggest smile. Sammy is smiling too. He is happy. I like this.  
Things at "home" are getting worst. They got so bad that this winter Sam took all his belongings and left in the middle of the night. Two weeks. He left us for two weeks. I understand leaving dad, but me. And Elouise. I can't even. Seriously. Then when dad came back. Better not think about that. It'll only ruin this evening.  
The fireworks die. I look down at Sammy. He looks over at me. Smiling. I've already forgiven him for what he put me through. I'll always do. He is my little brother. I remember holding him, like I do now with Giggles. How can I blame him for running away? It was on me. It was on me to understand that something was wrong. He's my responsibility. I fail dad and I fail him. That's one of the reason why I'm trying to make everything better for him. Maybe if he has fun with me and Elouise he won't leave us again. Giggles was heartbroken when he left. She asked every damn minute of the day for Sammy. It was awful.  
"Dad would never let us do anything like this. Thanks, Dean. This is great."  
Sam hugs me. I'm a little startled but I hug him back. Sam pulls away and kiss Elouise's cheek. He takes all the firework. He puts them down and lights them all. Then he runs away.  
" Fire in the hole!"  
The fireworks start to explode. Sam and I back away. We all start laughing. Sam takes Elouise from my arms and they go out to dance under the sparks. Sam look at me and nods. I know what it means. It's a thank you. It means that he know that things are mess up. That they probably will never return like it was before the continued struggle with dad became. But it also means that despite whatever is going to happen between them, we'll be always be brother. No matter what.


	5. Chapter 5

DECEMBER 1997

We're in Wisconsin. And life is hell. Not for the problems between Dad and Sammy. No. It's Elouise. I think she has multiple personalities or something. Really, sometimes she scares me. But sometimes she is just adorable. And she is sassy. Like a lot. I think I'm going to go to one of those group that help people out.. Like AA. Is there one for brothers who are going slowly, but certainly crazy?  
I know that people would say that things couldn't be that bad. It is. Trust me they are. I think she is possessed. Maybe I should ask Bobby if he knows some exorcism for little kids.  
Ok, you don't believe me? I let you in my horrible world.

She is now 3 years old, so she is developing her personality. Like I say she is sassy and she thinks she is funny. She is fascinated by poop, body parts, pee, toilet and everything that is gross or stinky. And she kind of dislikes dad. I don't know why, but he is the victim of most of her jokes. But we are too. Sammy and me.

So let's begin with something that involves me.  
Like I say she thinks she is funny. This summer we (me , Sammy and Elouise) were all at Bobby's. Me and Sammy were downstairs, while Giggles was playing in her room. Then we heard her scream.

"Dean, Sammy, come here! I want to show you something cool!"

We run to the stairs. And see her. The "Something cool" was her, at the top of the stairs, sticking out her nacked butt. I was dumbstruck. Sammy just laugh and walked back in the living room. I didn't know where it all went wrong. A minute she was an adorable little baby girl, the other she was this frat boy. Like, really, Giggles? REALY?!  
But that's not the only episode. No.  
Always this summer. Uncle Bobby was scolding her. She was throwing toys at Sammy and I was fed up with her at that time, so I let Bobby handle her. So Bobby started yelling at her. She looked him dead in the eyes, while continuing to throw toys at Sam. Then she put her hands up and sad:  
"Dude, calm down!"  
Then she started again to throw toys. So Bobby got angry.  
"GIGGLES, STOP THROWING TOYS AT SAM!"  
She stopped, stood up and put the toys in Sammy's lap. Then she turn and walked to Bobby. She pointed her finger at him looking quite angry.  
"Uncle Bobby, you are fired!"  
Then she went to our room. Let's just say that Bobby was a little taken aback.  
The day after she was still angry at Bobby so she went to me, sit in my lap and said:  
"We should put Uncle Bobby in the potty! And flush it! And wave goodbye to him! Bye-bye, Uncle Bobby!"  
I think that that was her first attempt to murder someone.  
But that's not all. And we are just talking about what happen with me an Sammy. Let me tell you another one.

We like to play wrestling (dad say it is good for her hunter training), but sometimes she becomes a little rough. The other day she hit me with her feet. So I told her to stop hitting me with her feet. She looked at me with tears in her eyes, outraged by the accusation  
"IT WAS MY ANKLE!"  
And she walked off to her bed.  
See! This is what I have to pass trough on a DAILY BASIS!  
But now let's talk about dad. She seems not to like him very much. I think the reason is because he don't pass a lot of time with her. And when he does he is always a little on edge. Anyway. Let's start simple.

Last month dad walked out from the motel bathroom, and he had shave. So I pointed it out.  
"Did you shave, Dad?"  
"Yes! Thank you for noticing," he was in a good mood, "how do I look?"  
I was about to answering when Elouise came out from nowhere.  
"Not good."  
Then she walked away.

Another one. The other day we were driving in two cars. So before starting the drive, we were discussing who would drive with whom.  
"We're driving with two cars, who's driving with me?"  
Dad looked between Sammy and Giggles. The answer from Sam was obvious.  
"I'd prefer to drive with Dean, Sir."  
Dad nodded. Then looked at Elouise, hopeful. She looked at him with a serious look.  
"I'm riding with De, you're riding by yourself!"  
Then she went in the car with Sammy. I felt bad for dad. But hey, she loves me better! Even if she's not good at demonstrating it. So here we go. Her adorable moments.

Yesterday she hugged me and Sammy. Then she looked at us with the most adoring look I've ever seen.  
"I love you more than ketchup!"  
Then she went to play with her plush squirrel.  
But she usually isn't that lovely. I always said to her that I love her before she went to bed. Last week she answered me back. Not as gently.  
"I love you, Giggles!"  
She rose from the bad and head butted my stomach.  
"I RHINO you!"  
Then went back to bed. Dude, love hurts.  
Sometimes she is really funny. Or at least we find fun in something that upsets her.  
She is starting to know her body. In fact she goes around naked a lot. She find extremely fascinating her belly button. And she is starting to asking the weirdest thing about how the body works. She is also begin to see the different between males and females.  
About that, like three day ago, she walked in on me taking a shower and started to scream at the top of her lungs-  
"Your vagina is outside your body! It's hanging outside of your body!"  
I immediately turned and tried in vain to cover myself up. Then I calmly explained to her that I had a penis, not a vagina.  
She started screaming again.  
"NO! It's outside! Something's wrong with your vagina!"  
She ran out to the couch and told Sammy how my vagina was "in trouble" and it was outside my body.  
Then she said.  
"Dean said it was a peanut – but that was not a peanut, I know what a peanut is!"  
She still insisted on going to a doctor. Sammy still finds it hilarious. But he'll stop laugh when dad will give him the sex talk.  
Then who will laugh? Me. Take that b***.  
But that's not it. What scares me the most about Giggles is not her sassiness or her stubbornness or her being mean to people she don't like. No. It's the fact that she is already an Huntress, without any training. I think that the reason is because she see me and Sammy spar. I think she is catching up with our session.  
In fact that's the thing that has me thinking now about her multi-personality problem, while she is trying to choke me to death. It all started out as an hug. In fact she came to me and hugged me, smiling a bitter-sweet smile. Then slowly began to squeeze my throat with two hands and whispered hauntingly:  
"Are you choking, Dean?"  
This is a scenario that me and Sammy had played this afternoon, because of the latest hunt, where the monster was an innocent-looking ghost kid. He used to hug people and then choke them. So dad ordered us to try and get free from someone who was choking us. Anyways. I break free from her hand.  
"Yes Elouise, I was chocking! Don't do anything like this again!"  
"But you and Sam and Dad do that!"  
"Yes, because we are old enough, you can't because you are too small and you could get hurt."  
"So, when I'll be old like Sammy I can do it?! YAY!"  
She is running across the motel room, jumping on the beds and the sofa.  
I am resigned. So just I sit on a chair, looking at Elouise destroying the room. I can't care less.  
If there is a God, Please, Help me !


	6. Chapter 6

October 1998

We're in Wyoming. This year is been really interesting so far. Sammy had his first kiss (he thinks that I don't know, but big brothers always know) and I had the most wonderful five days of my life thanks to Lisa Breaden, a yoga instructor (and let me say, really bendy). So all is good.  
Sort of.  
Elouise is almost five, so she'll start kindergarten next year. I don't like the idea of her being away from me. I raised her since she was a baby, she's always been with me, and I know that her experience with schools will be like ours. No friends, always the new kid, no time to adjust to a school before we're be moving out of town. I don't want that for her. I didn't want that for Sammy either, but at the time I was too young for arguing with my father about the importance of stability for the well-being of a child. Ok, I'm starting talking like a mother. But she is my little Giggles.  
Sammy agrees with me, so we're making a united front against dad. It's like being in one of those TV programs about lawyers 24\7. Dad's never had a second of peace. We're aiming for a yield because of exhaustion. This idea came up to Sam. He is a good strategist, and he has years of experience in making Dad lose his temper and make him surrender.  
So now we're planning our future steps, while dad's on an hunting trip with Bobby. It's like a war council. We have snacks, beers, a notebook with a lot of arguments that'll make us win the "civil war", and we have also Elouise. She is smart for a kid her age. She comes up with the silliest things we've ever listened to, but sometimes she's really helpful. Like now.  
Sammy and me are a little stuck. We've used up a lot of our arguments to make dad think about this thing. But he is a stubborn man, and he isn't listening to us.  
"Why don't you talk with Uncle Bobby?" Elouise suggests.  
Elouise is a genius. We need to use the Uncle Bobby card.  
Sammy has a grin on his face. Sometimes he scare me, he seems so innocent, but he is a little devil in disguise.  
"Elouise, I think you have just solved all our problems. Dean, why didn't we think about that earlier?"  
"Probably because she's smarter than us, and we were having a lot of fun with dad lately."  
Elouise look satisfied and proud of herself. She looks like a peacock showing its tail.  
"I'm smart and pretty. "  
"Yes, you are"  
I kiss her head and go take the mobile phone. Elouise is few step behind me. Sammy turns off the TV and comes near me too.  
"Okay, Sammy, Elouise. Are we sure?"  
"Yes, Dean," They say in unison.  
"If we do this, Dad will probably skin us alive. Are we really, really sure? There will be no turning back, no afterthought. We'll be dead kids walking. Do you understand?"  
"Yes, Dean. We're aware of the risk. But the end justifies the means. And we're getting desperate here. I mean, at least one of us deserve to have some sort of normalcy. And she is our last chance. We spend a lot of time on raising her right, she'll be a great student and a wonderful girl"  
"She'll be a huntress too, you know that Sammy, right?"  
"Yeah, whatever"  
I know that Sam don't agree with Elouise being an huntress, but it is the family business, and there is no escaping it.  
"Ok let's call Bobby."  
I make the call. I'm a little anxious, I know that dad will tear me a new one, but the well being of Elouise is worth it. Bobby answers after few seconds.  
"I'm busy, Idjits, this better be important"  
"Hey, Bobby. How're you doing?"  
"What have you done this time kids? Do you need help hiding someone corpse? This time I'm too far away to help you with that."  
"No we don't need that kind of help. We need you to talk to dad."  
"Okay, what have you done? Did you burn the motel room down again?"  
"THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT AND IT HAPPENS JUST ONCE!"  
"Okay, Do you knocked up someone?"  
"No, of course no, I always use... C'mon Bobby, stop laughing, let me explain, you are our last chance!"  
"Okay, kiddo. Talk."  
"Do you know that Elouise is going to start Kindergarten next year, right?"  
"Yes, so?"  
"Well, we think that Giggles needs some kind of stability and we want her to stay in the same school for a year at time. We don't mind moving, but we want to stay in the same place for a year, so Elouise can have some sort of normal life. The problem is that dad disagrees, and he don't want to change things. We tried with every arguments that came to our mind, but he didn't listen. So can you help us?"  
Bobby is silent for a while.  
"I think I can help you Idjits out. I can't promise anything, but I'll try. Are you aware of the fact that John won't be pleased, right?"  
"We're aware"  
"Okay, kiddo, hear you later. Say hello to your siblings."  
"Will do. Thanks Bobby"  
I put the phone down and look at the other two.  
"The die is cast"

THE DAY AFTER

We're still waiting. Dad hadn't called us. We are a little worried. It's like the calm before the storm. Sammy is a little jumpy. I'm on edge. And Elouise doesn't give a s***. She generally doesn't give a s*** about anything. Specially about what dad will do. She saw him drunk, angry, yelling at me or Sam, sometimes at her. But she never cries or gets sad or upset. She just shakes it off.  
"De, can you sit down with me? Dad will be angry but he's always angry so don't worry."  
She takes my hand and she drags me to the couch. She sit between Sam and me.  
"Now we wait. do you want me to sing? I can sing you better. Hey Jude...Nah nah nah nana nah nana nah...Hey Jude, hey Jude."  
She sing off key, but it is her way to take care of us so we let her sing. She's still singing when there's a knock at the door. I jump up and take my gun. I open the door. Dad is in front of me and he seems a little angry, maybe. He shoves me and gets in the motel room. He puts his bag on the table with a loud thund. Then he turns around. Okay, he is definitely angry.  
"Dad..."  
"Shut up, Dean."  
"Yes, Sir."  
Dad goes in the bathroom without saying a word. When the door slams behind him, I go sit on the sofa, and wait with Sammy and Giggles. The air in the room is tense. I hate waiting.  
Half an hour after Dad emerges from the bathroom. He seems calmer. He goes to the fridge and takes a beer. He takes a sip and walks to us.  
We look at him. It's like being in the same room with a bear. If you don't run away or move too fast he'll probably won't kill you.  
"Kids, I had some thinking these day and...Okay."  
With that he takes his coat and get out of the motel room.  
We're a little dumbstruck. The entire situation is a little surreal. We're frozen in our seat. We win. We can give Giggles a stable life.  
"We win. WE WIN!" Sam is jumping and is making his victory dance. Elouise is dancing too.  
"De, I tell you everything was going to be good."  
Elouise hugs me and Sam squeezes my shoulder, then they go back to their stupid dance.  
I put my head on the back of the couch. We made it.  
We. F***. Win.


	7. Chapter 7

1999, DECEMBER  
Texas,  
Elouise started Kindergarten four months ago, and she likes it very much. She's the Queen of the school. A ruthless Queen. The teacher calls us at least twice a week. She's a little s***. I think she's gonna get herself expelled.

Last week she had a field-trip to a nearby park and there was some kind of tube you're supposed to crawl through and some kid were sitting inside talking about some stupid kid things, while they were talking she hung her head down over the edge of the tube and said "FUCKERS!". The teacher put her in time-out. She wasn't amused.  
In fact the very next day, those children were found covered with mud. There was no proof that it was Elouise doing, but we all know that was her who punished them for being telltales.  
Anyways. Like I said, she likes it. And she is a heartbreaker. She has a new boyfriend every day. Sometimes a girlfriend too. And she already gave her first kiss. It was a month ago, I think.  
Sammy and I were cleaning the weapons and Elouise was playing with the "hunter" cards we made for her. On those cards there are monsters and the weapons that kill them. It works like a memory game. You pick a monster and find the weapon that kills it. It's fun. In any case, we were busy. Then out of nowhere Elouise ask us how to kiss a boy. Like this:  
"Dean, Sam how do I kiss a boy?".  
I was dumbstruck. But Sammy was ready, and he answered her nonchalantly .  
"With your mouth, Giggles."  
"I know it, stupid. Can I kiss him on the mouth?"  
"Yes, you can. "  
"And a girl? Can I kiss a girl too?"  
"Whatever, El. Girls, Boys. Doesn't matter. But you have to love them to kiss them like that."  
"Oh, okay. Thanks, Sammy."  
And she went back to play. WHAT. THE. ACTUAL.F***. I watched Sammy, and he was like "What? What have I done?". I just shrugged and went back to the cleaning.  
I thought that that was it, that I wouldn't had to hear about Elouise sentimental life again for at least ten years.  
I was wrong.  
Two days later, while I went to take her from kindergarten, I saw her giving a peck to a boy. Then she waved him goodbye and run to me.  
"Dean! I kissed Bill. Did you see me?! But I preferred Laura better. Dean, Do you prefer girl better too?"  
Okay... Don't make a big deal out of it. Kids here age aren't really aware of gender.  
"Yeah, I like girls better too." I say with a small smile, I mess up her hair but she just nods, all serious like.  
"Good."  
That was it. She got in the car and we headed back to home.

Now it is almost Christmas. We're all at home. Well, not all. Dad is hunting. "People are dying, kids." "I try to be home for Christmas, kids." Same old story. He won't be here, like he wasn't with us last year or the years before. I'm used to his absenteeism. It doesn't even bother me anymore. What can I say, if he really wanted to be here , he would be here. But he doesn't, so f*** him. I'm gonna give Sammy and Elouise the best Christmas ever. Like I've always tried to.

The house is all decorated inside. We have a Christmas tree too. Actually is not really a tree, we couldn't afford one. I built it with newspapers, piling up the pages and trying to give them a conical shape. It's nice. Maybe a little flammable, but nothing is perfect. Yesterday Elouise painted all the windows with green and red sharpies, drawing angels and presents, or at least trying to. I don't even know if I can clean them, I might have to get rubbing alcohol. But maybe we are going to have angels on the windows 'till June, who cares? The house is not ours, so I don't give damn. Anyway, Sammy made the rest of the decorations with paper, glue and a lot of fantasy. They're awesome, best decorations I saw in years. It almost seems to be back in Lawrence, when mom was still alive and dad was a better father, a present one. I miss that, I miss my mom, I miss my dad.

But Sam and Elouise are happy. So everything is good. More or less, but let's not be picky.


End file.
